Do I truly belong?

I found myself lately craving Batroun's beaches, people, old houses, walks and Koko's brioches.

And I asked myself, why am I so attached to this beach city? I didn't spend my childhood there, none of my parents are related to it, Heck, I don't even live there.

Maybe it's because for the past 3 years, I spent all my days there, from joining's shore to KfarAbida's beautiful caves, colonel's standup paddles and our sunset rides to the closest boats in the sea and our long night Catan games? 

But no, deep down I know that is not the reason, I lived so many vivid memories in other places too, with so many different activities, so why? Why Batroun?

Somewhere lodged in my brain, I was exactly aware of the answer, but I just didn't want to face my fragile reality, but who I am hiding from? I need to confront this craving;

I am longing to spend my days there because I experienced pure love, something I have never encountered  anywhere else, and now that the person that allowed me to live through these feelings is gone, and all that remain are memories, I am holding onto anything that reminds me of this sensation, the sensation of belonging to a place, or maybe the belonging to a feeling of being seen and wanted. 

I am clinching to whatever stayed, to friends I got along with, to shores and tastes that will not change nor fade away.

But not long ago, people have been visiting Batroun frequently, joining's beach is full of new faces and stories, the caves are famous now, and the standup paddles are becoming a trend. And through all these ever changing waves and traffic, I feel as if my sense of belonging to this city is fading, it's like I'm becoming a stranger, our "spots" are not ours anymore, and the nights we spent hanging on a hammock near the sea are being replaced with  Almaza and Beirut beer cans. 

I am just a number in this city now? Or just a memory in someone's heart? Does it actually matter? 

No conclusion will be given, I am just allowing myself to feel whatever I need to feel, reminding myself that this is all temporary and will pass, because one day, I might outgrow this city and move on to the next.