"One of those bad days"

 We are all humans, beautiful, imperfect human beings, feeling many emotions daily and sometimes all at once.

I want to start by saying how proud I am of myself, of my growth journey, of all the battles I fight, of the healing I have been pushing myself towards, I truly believe in the person I thrive everyday to meet and I am satisfied with the hustle I put my mind through to conquer whatever I desire. 

However, I have bad days as well, I have flaws that are hard to love and heavy to carry. For the past three days or so, I've been focusing on those parts of me, the bad ones, mostly because some of my friends are pointing them out, and being the meticulous, anxious person I am, I just can't wrap my head around them. 

It's easy to mention that "I should love my wounds and imperfections", but in reality my ego is stronger, refusing to embrace and hold these "not so lovable parts" in me and accepting them as they are.

I can be bossy sometimes, over protective, low on energy, selfish with my needs and desires, unsociable and a complete poker face, and all at once, I sense as if I am not worthy of love, throwing away all the rare and majestic parts in my soul that make someone want to hold onto me or anyone attracted to my positive aura. 

And it's so weird that often when I think of all these weak points, I admire and grasp to them because they mold me as a unique individual, full of scars and blisters yet powerful and humble to evolve calmly and mindfully. And on other days, "the bad days", these blemishes manifesting in my personality deplete my self esteem and leave me carrying the mountains I should have climbed. 

Clashing battles alone can be vulnerable a lot of times, and as much as we want to be independent, as much as we prosper to become our own safe place, it's delightful to have someone by our side, to enbosom us and hold all these wounds we bear inside, to focus on the healing rather than the hurt, to see the light shining through our broken souls rather than the brokenness itself.

Working on the best version of me everyday, learning to accept my uniqueness and trying to go easy on my fragile self.