Who Am I?

 Ever sat and wondered : who am I? 

Does the thought of how people see you hit you sometimes? 

I’ve been thinking lately of who I am and how can I define myself in words, how do I want people to see me? .... No let me rephrase that: How can I allow people to see who I truly am? 

And I’ve come to a pretty decent conclusion:

I am someone full of life, full of affection and tenderness. 

I’m into the simple things, it’s the smallest unseen details that bring the brightest joy in me. 

I’ll probably stop my car at 100 km/h if I spot a flower on the road, I’ll just enjoy it’s existence, put one in my hair, and bring the rest home to my mama. 

I cry a lot hahaha, I think it’s just a natural way for me to cope and handle my feelings.

I taught myself not to judge people, I do love unconditionally the people in my life and accept them just the way they are without having any need to change them.

I have my battles, I’m learning everyday ways to cope with grief and change, how to accept my “not-so-bright” parts, embracing them and allowing them to flow. 

Affection plays a big role in my life, I am not a hopeless romantic, but I love to feel everything on a deeper level, I love to connect with people and experience life through their eyes and emotions.

I long for reciprocation as well, my deepest and biggest desire in life is to feel seen, loved and understood, but then again I believe this is everybody's desire and basic need in life.

I yearn for deepness, I crave someone to see me for who I am, to touch me gently, not physically, not on a skin to skin level, I mean to touch my soul and my heart and genuinely appreciate my presence in their lives. 

One thing I've realized lately, I am afraid of new feelings, of new people and new places, I love my comfort zone, I feel at ease when I know exactly where I'm going and what will happen, and that is something I'll be working in for the rest of my life, to be aware of this realization and push myself to face those new feelings, to meet those new people and enjoy those new places rather than fearing them. As my therapist always tells me: Those new experiences will teach you so much, you will grow and will get to experience so many beautiful moments because of them." 

And I think that the biggest disappointment in my life was this: 

Wanting to be a home, a refuge and a safe place to someone, but knowing later on that I was the biggest responsibility and the heaviest burden on them. 

I strongly consider myself a happy person, I am so proud of the love I gave and still put out there, I’m proud of my broken brave heart for choosing to fight everyday.

I hope my love for life will never end, I hope my passion for feeling alive will remain forever in me, and hoping I could share and expand my energy with every soul I get the opportunity to meet.

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" - Jeremiah 29:11.