Plugged in connections

 I am a firm believer in human beings, I believe that our experiences shape us and the people we meet and connect with play an immense role in our lives, from the way we think, the way we react, the plans we unfold in front of us and the stories we tell the world. 

I am also a big believer in relationships, and I think that is why I am so invested in the connections I create whether in small talks, friends, my relationship with my brother and family and the one I have with myself. I have faith that the quality of our relationships strongly determine the quality of our lives.

I stumbled upon a post by Esther Perel that quoted: "Why is it so easy to plug in but so hard to stay connected?" and that got me thinking, why? why do we build friendships, relationships ... so effortlessly but find it laborious with time to maintain a deep and healthy bond?

Everyone's been there, having someone physically present but mentally and emotionally far away, unable to bear a deep communication, you can see them, you can touch them, but somewhere engraved in your heart, you know you lost them. And I've been lately encountering many typical scenarios, the couple sitting on their phones in a coffee shop, each in their own small universe incapable of forming an intimate moment with the person sitting next to them, to couples having dinner and fighting to be seen and heard and accepted with all their messiness. And I've been there too, I recall many times being seated in front of my ex boyfriend craving to be seen and validated for my presence while all they did was scroll through their phones or watch TV. 

Unable to mourn the mountains of losses we lived and left with unresolved grief at this point, it is better to connect with our phones than with each others, right? And then, comes the monster which I call loneliness.

We see our solitude in the burnt pancakes that we hesitantly made while our partner played video games or took some "me time" scrolling through Instagram, it's almost easier to connect with people all around the world and to disconnect from people that are right in front of us. We see desolation in the bathroom mirror when we wonder if our partner still sees us as attractive because their hasn't been any physical touch or intimacy in a long while. In those parties, we see our spouse forming connections with new people, that we desperately feel jealous because they haven't looked at us nor talked to us the way they're socializing with a bunch of strangers. 

The depth of solitude becomes unbearable, why is it easy for our partner to access their imagination and sense of playfulness with others, but not with us? 

I assume that we take people for granted, we take advantage of their kindness and presence and we forget to express gratitude for sticking around the parts that are not so lovable in us. It's uncomplicated to plug in and vibe with someone, what really needs labor, is protecting the connections we build and acknowledge that relationships are HARD WORK.