This week I was with my most hurt parts, the triggers were strong and they reminded me of the holes in my heart that needed more love and compassion. I welcomed these shattered parts to join me and assured them it was safe for me to know their pain. I denied my feelings for too long and here I am now, sitting with the ashes that the volcano in my heart left, I reminded myself that my body is not weak for reacting to triggers, it's just remembering, reliving the past in the present moment.
Today, I am grieving ... again. One of the most difficult lessons I've learnt is that not everything you fall in love with is meant for you, you are going to fall in love with a million different places, faces, souls, hearts, sunsets, routines ... and you are going to realize that some loves will accompany you a lifetime, some stay for a little while, some places will feel like a forever home and other places will be temporary shelters, some voices are constant and some will echo in your heart forever.
All I can do is sit with the pain their absence have caused, not run from it or dim it or deny it, just sit with it and feel it in the knot in my stomach, the ache of my bones in the morning, and the flame in my heart.
You should know that people who carry heavy suitcases of grief also carry incredible capacities for love because grief is love with no place to go.
When all is said and done, none of us came to this world with the intention of living carefully. So many people make nothing spectacular of their lives, just so they can arrive at death safely. I decided long ago that this life was not for me. A decision that has obviously led me to more scrapes and bruises, but also more meaning and wonder, and as a result I have learned that a person who doesn't risk anything, risks everything.
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