Dating people; it's messy, it's complicated, it's infuriating and it's beautiful, meaningful and takes us to extremes we have never known.
I love the feeling of everything seeming effortless, the anticipation of the initial act of love, the discovery of someone else's story. Being given the privilege to see and learn from their experience and also to feel the desire of another's interest in learning the same from me.
I love the tenderness and intimacy, the shyness, the first look and the sparkle in the eyes, the gentleness of the first touch, the love making, the "I want to know you more", the constant flow of compliment, the enjoyment of little moments of electricity. The new rhythm of togetherness, when someone is in awe of my story, my body, my heart.
The mini "aha" occasions when getting to know what someone is really about and discovering parts of myself that the other sees in me.
I dread the insecurities and the time it takes to build trust, rejection, dependency, not getting any sleep. I hate it when it slows down and when the inner questioning starts: Is he the one? Does he deserve me? What I am doing wrong? Did I not give enough?
Not knowing if my intentions will be rewarded, the tip toeing around flaws, when the dark passenger arises, when I feel judged.
It also scares me that I might lose the rituals I've developed being alone for a long time.
And for people who are footloose like me, I hope you know that you are your own universe, your own home, your own safe place, just because we will be different tomorrow doesn't mean we are not enough today. And more than anything else, the truth is that love can be found anywhere, in the smell of your morning coffee, in the warm Hello of a stranger, in the burning sun on your skin and in your deepest solitude. Love will be found when gaining the clarity to see that there not a single thing we need to adjust to be worthy of feeling everything we ever desire.
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